Don't Be a Waster of Sorrows

The well known Austrian poet and spiritual writer, Rainer Maria Rilke encouraged his young friend not to be a ""waster of sorrows,"" but to use them in a positive way as a means to help him grow in holiness.

And isn't this the challenge for all of us? Everyone has sorrows in life. The important question is: what can we do with them so that we don't waste them? Whether our sorrows are personal or communal, how can we share our mutual vulnerability so that we can connect with others in a way that leads to growth?

For over thirty years as a psychotherapist and spiritual director, Peter C. Wilcox has listened to people's stories about their lives. Often, parts of their stories involve sorrows of one kind or another. Some people become overwhelmed by their sorrows while others have learned how to integrate them into their lives in a positive way.

This book is an invitation to discover how we can learn to integrate our sorrows into our own lives so that we can grow psychologically and spiritually. It suggests nine ways that we can reflect on our sorrows to deepen our spiritual lives, so that as Rilke wrote to his friend, we don't ""waste them.""

""Dr. Samuel Johnson wrote: 'For sorrow there is no remedy . . . it requires what it cannot hope.' In Don't Be a Waster of Sorrows, Peter Wilcox proves Johnson wrong. The book becomes 'a place of refuge'"" where the reader considers how to accept, grieve, pray, empathize, bless, serve, learn, and ultimately live with the mystery of sorrow. Everyone has been wounded by sorrow; this book provides the hope required both to live through it and to thrive.""
--Jeannette Suflita, Organization Development Consultant, The Johns Hopkins Hospital

""The beauty of Don't Be a Waster of Sorrows is that it opens us up to new opportunities for processing the pain and suffering in our lives. . . . Every reader will gain insights from Peter Wilcox's psycho-spiritual career and life experiences.""
--William Talentino, OFM Cap, St. Fidelis Friary

""Peter Wilcox has spent a lifetime walking with clients who have born the long dark walk into sorrow. He not only brings a profound insight into the meaning of suffering, but he is fully aware that his own suffering has found wisdom in the courage and creativity of those whom he helped. With a strong theological background and a heart made to help, Wilcox has developed a conviction that sorrows must not be wasted. . . . He invites us to find a gentle light of grace within our sorrows so that we can be at peace and be available to others in their sorrows. So many of us will find this little work a gracious help to step more deeply into our lives and into the lives of others.""
--Robert L. McCreary OFM Cap, St. Fidelis Friary


Peter C. Wilcox has been a psychotherapist and spiritual director for over thirty years. He is the author of John Henry Newman, Spiritual Director 1845-1890 (2013) and A Sheltering Tree, Inspirational Stories of Faith, Fidelity and Friendship (2014). He holds a doctorate in theology from the Catholic University of America and has taught at the Washington Theological Union, Loyola University Maryland, and St. Bonaventure University. He has directed retreats and conducted seminars on personality development and spiritual growth for many years. Dr. Wilcox lives in Millersville, MD, with his wife and daughter.