Love? Lust? Lunacy?

Born way too many or-not enough years ago in Manchester, U.K. Mother-(WASP)-Father-Mulato-(U.S. Air Force).By the time I was 6, had lived in 3 different countries, and life didn't slow down until I was 44 years old and had the good fortune to land on a small island off the coast of Cancun, Mexico.
Up to that time I had made my living as a musician and song writer (guitarist), with the obligatory stints as a waiter, bartender, cook, and concrete technician. Driving for U.P.S., in Manhattan, took up the last 7 years (I figured I should have health insurance). It was during these 7 years and as many trips as possible to the Caribbean that scuba diving became a passion. After becoming an instructor it seemed the next step was to stay and teach.
As luck would have it this happy bachelor was free to do just that. Until the Muse walked into the dive shop I was running.
After a year of long-distancing we decided that I could go anywhere there was water and teach- and since she had a high-powered corporate job I should come to her domain-San Antonio, Texas
My job then was then" housemaster" ---renovation-decorating-re-modeling-painting -chief cook, bottle-washer and occasional cabana boy? man?-Mutually agreed to.
This was while we were going to Massage Therapy school. We were planning on opening an establishment when Jann retired within the next 2 years.
One task I took on myself was to make sure that Jann had a decent and healthy lunch each day as she was prone to forgo food during the day and subsist on coffee.
Into this Tupperware lunch box went food and several napkins -and on one of these napkins I would write my thoughts, feelings, ideas, moods, hopes, dreams, fantasies,---there would be adoration, love, eroticism, and just plain raunchiness(in a second book for adults only).
This is what you are reading-That is why you are seeing napkins-the stains and bleeding are probably fresh fruit and mustard.
I do believe we don't tell each other enough of our thoughts-so, for you men, plagiarism is welcomed and encouraged if you need some of the words. And for the women that compliment me by reading this book know that men do have all this inside.
You may still have this burning question as to why a man would leave paradise.
There are only three choices for an answer-
LOVE? LUST? or LUNACY?