Vegans Are Tastier

Take an evolutionary journey through time and space in an unexpected vegan book that includes branding, hunting, spanking, torture, death and cannibalism.

21st Century Historian (Gentile Rainn): On occasion, before dying out and destroying themselves, the meat-eaters were seen hanging around back alleys of pubs drinking and fighting, sometimes sodomizing each other.

21st Century Historian (Herb Dean): If you look at things with hindsight, the meat-eaters never really had a chance. I mean, they were so hypocritical to the point where they would have one animal, whom they loved and cared for, living with them (Some of these animals were referred to as dogs. Note the dyslexic reference to God), and in the same moment would bleed and suffer another animal so they could devour its charred flesh for supper.

Local Vegan (Said Huster): The idea that vegetarians and meat-eaters were both Homo sapiens is a post-mortem thought gone the way of the moo-cow. Homo sapiens were by nature very self-gratifying. In other words, they didn't care what they murdered or whom they hurt in crimes of hunger and passion. They acted very cruelly towards one another. Religions were developed to try to right these instinctual behaviors, but these religions did little to deter most Homo sapiens hell-bent on self-delusions of pride. Sometime around the turn of the twenty-fourth century, the first true Homo nexus was born. (See also Homo vegetare.)

21st Century Historian (Herb Dean): Moo-cows became extinct, though it is unknown whether this happened before or after the demise of the human (meat-eater) omnivore. A strain of CuuD Disease (almost always spelled capital C, lower case u, lower case u, capital D), a mutation of mad cow disease, killed roughly 99 percent of the cows, roughly two-thirds of the carnivores on the land, and most human omnivores. It is believed the other human omnivores destroyed themselves through wars, terrorist acts and unhealthy diets, or starved to death rather than eat vegetables.

21st Century Historian (Willow Whittier): It is said the last meat-eater died sometime around the turn of the 23rd century. His name was said to have been Ronald McDonald.