One in Four

ISBN: 978-1-84747-173-4 Published: 2007 Pages: 190 Key Themes: carer's story, grief, poetry, schizophrenia, mental health services, suicide

"With this book I want people to realise that even if you do manage to get help for a loved one who has become seriously mentally ill, it does not mean they are safe from harming themselves. Hospitals are only as good as the staff that run them. 'Care In The Community' is very spasmodic, especially in rural areas. I also want people to realise that seriously mentally ill people are not people to fear, they want to feel, and be treated as 'normal' like everyone else." - Joy Ford

'One In Four' uses a mixture of prose and poetry to tell the important and tragic story of a teenage boy who becomes seriously mentally ill, with paranoid schizophrenia, from a mother's point of view. It travels with her and her son through the quagmire of 'Care In The Community' and the problems of living on the cusp of two counties. This excellent narrative shows how people can slip through the net, leading, in this instance, to the death of a very much loved child, brother, and grandson. Joy's son did not want to die, it was the illness that killed him, aggravated by the neglect of the hospital he was in. The story travels through the effect this tragedy has had on the mother and the struggle she has coming to terms with the loss of her son. This is a wonderfully poignant, if emotionally involving book. A fitting memorial to Edward.

I found writing this cathartic though upsetting at times. It brought back my troubled childhood, though I do not go into detail in my book, and a difficult twenty-five year marriage. The highlights in my life were also remembered; three years studying art, my teenage years in the sixties when I felt free and had fun. The birth of my three beautiful children, and the love I feel for them, the publication of my first book in 1985 and several poems over the years. Meeting a man who accepts me for who and what I am with no expectations, my lovely grandchildren and extended family. Sweet memories of my youngest child, but also the pain of him not being in my life, something that will always be with me. As I am beginning to heal I want to be able to support mentally sick people in some way, and am hoping to help in an art and craft group with the Gemini Project in Oxford.

THE BEGINNING

Scared of rejection Or to be placed in a fool collection In a class of my own Teaching myself to be alone I try not to listen But thoughts don't stop, Making their own conviction They are causing demolition. If only I could lock away my brain, I'm sure I could gain remorse And find a girl to put me back on course.

We were walking along the side of St. James Park in London on a warm June evening when she turned to me and suddenly said, "Edward's death was his gift to you. You must remember that."

I felt shaken by her words and the familiar hot feeling of unshed tears burned behind my eyes and my throat ached, all I could say was "What?" "Edward taking his own life, it was his gift to you. You must realise if he had lived he would have killed you or murdered a member of your family."