Perfect Blemishes From My Closet

They called me ugly, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Those who intentionally use me will have to answer to Jehovah. I have learned how to love hard and I'll fight harder for what I want. In fact, I learned from Pastor Dharius Daniels that as children of God, we can't be rejected. We have already been chosen. Doc Reid, Pastor RC Blake, and Sarah Jake Roberts became my therapists. They were qualified by the Holy Spirit. For years, I've battled the spirit that comes with being Rejected. Romans, Chapter 15, verse 1 reads, "The strong must bear the infirmities of the weak," so I decided to use my experiences and anointing to help share awareness. Rejection + Low Self-Esteem = Depression. It's a pure recipe for failure. Add denial into this mix and you'll live an emotionally crippled life. I was 17 years when I met my real daddy, a lie that separated us. As a child, I felt rejected by the person whom I felt was my dad. It all made sense in the end though. Mom, on the other hand, seemed to reject me and back then, my coping mechanism of displaying anger only got me into trouble. Many days, I felt like I was adopted. Forgiveness was needed but I never came to that place. For the rest of my life, I never loved Mom the way a daughter should. In my mind, she was to blame for robbing me of a childhood I could have had. I didn't have to be so poor and struggle as much as we did. She was selfish in protecting her secrets but still, she had my empathy. She did her best and she did what she knew. Now, I was a loner. My two brothers were older. Many days, I got left at home so learning to embrace myself was my only option. Mom worked hard to provide for us and Mom shaded me from life. Her fear of me messing up took away my freedom to be a regular teenager. It was her way of guiding me away from a lifestyle she didn't want for me. This didn't do me well. I was overshadowed and left at the mercy of life. There is so much more I could have learned so I made sure I didn't block my child's development. I didn't want to repeat my mom's error. Therefore, that cycle had to be replaced with faith in God. After all, we were created with that void to accommodate his presence.