Through the Eyes of an Addict

I first read "Through the Eyes of an Addict" chapter by chapter as it was being written, shortly after deciding to make Sean my friend as he began his Recovery journey. Re-reading it now, 12 years later, the book now final and complete with the thoughtful and touching prologue, epilogues, and sadly a eulogy by his family, simultaneously saddens and inspires me as to what is possible in the wake of the deceit, destruction, depravity, and misery that the disease of Addiction wreaks through its victims. You may prefer accomplice to, rather than victim of, the disease however the results are horrific all the same. Sean's addiction experience is indeed horrific; and his book a thrilling, dark, and frightening tale (if you can forget that it is not fiction) that illuminates clearly the mind of a using addict. The contradictions swirl inclusive of insanity and lucidity, pride and humility, selfishness and compassion, shame and callousness, and finally wanting to be clean and sober as well as wanting nothing more than to use and die. In reading you will, as I did, surely notice how Sean did eventually become fully aware that he could recover despite the carnage, and availed himself often of the daily reprieve a program of recovery offers during the final twelve years of his life to good effect. If you don't read to the end, you might never believe that he became a good friend, father, son, brother, and compassionate helper to countless lost souls in his Recovery. About the book, I am reminded of the humility, intellect, wit, and incredible insight into himself that Sean demonstrates and lived as a recovering addict. He could easily have been materially wealthy in his recovery, however chose to dedicate his life to helping others in a profession that paid not well, and being the best father he could be. His book ought to be a resource to addicts in the grip, addicts seeking Recovery, and in particular to those close to an addict as it demonstrates the insanity of an addict both wanting to be good, yet repeating the same mistakes. It shows how one can intellectually understand the "why" and "how" one gets caught up in Addiction, the depths one can sink, yet still be unable to stop without help. Recovery is possible, wherever one's "bottom" may lie, as Sean's life demonstrates, and detailed in the final chapters as he relates his first year of sobriety. Make no mistake, Sean did relapse from time to time, however his Recovery as evidenced by the relationships with his son, his other family, his friends, his co-workers, and his clients, in my view, count large as weighed against the resulting anguish borne by himself and those who knew and loved him during a relapse. I am reminded, re-reading his book, also of his friendship, which was unconditional. Recovery is not a war to be won, it is a series of battles with yourself that can be won with the help and support of loving and caring resources. His legacy, with this book, will be to pass along his experience, strength, and hope.

Dave Rassell